Upon Reflection, An Apology
Perhaps it was a simmering disgust with the posters who appeared in shifts, very businesslike, to post Mary's personal information - her address, her dead sister's information, the repetitive mocking of her brain damaged nephew in deeply disturbing ways. Perhaps it was anger over Harryofanguslane's information being posted by the same shifts of bashers - a man who had done nothing wrong except behave in a classy and understated way. In my gut, I was disgusted, and I wanted to show "them" that there could be a quid pro quo, that publicly available information was not sacrosanct, and that they could enjoy what these people were experiencing at the hands of people who I believe are associated with the bad guys in NFI. Mary is a warm, wonderful woman who would give you the shirt off her back, and who is taking on tremendous strain by dealing with NCANS duties, as a volunteer, out of a sense of decency. And it's not right that her address and name and such were posted.
And it's not right for me to have posted Marc's, either.
Even though I didn't include his name, avoided any mention of him, frankly, it's still is not a defense, although I honestly did believe that he was one of the ones posting the offending info, or was instrumental in directing it. Still do, truth be told, as the shifts of bashing and clogging posers seem too vocational for an accident.
Still, two wrongs do not make a right.
In today's day and age, I've noticed a tendency for people to avoid owning their mistakes, to look around for something or someone else to blame. I don't think I want to add to that clutter. I screwed up, and violated my own ethical code. This was petty, and mean-spirited in an elementary way, and beneath me. And I'm ashamed that I did it. Not because it was threatening in a legal sense, as it wasn't, and not because of any other reason than because after thinking about it, I have a hard time justifying it in my gut. And that's the final moral barometer, the only one I have. Laws tell us how far we can go and get away with it - ethics define how far it is right to go. And I went too far for my own internal comfort factor, in a low moment, and I hold myself to a higher standard than that.
So for everyone that has placed their trust in me, and who has defended my behavior, thank you, but it is unnecessary. At the end of the day you have to take responsibility for your behavior, and this is me taking responsibility for mine. I'm sorry. Sometimes smart guys do dumb things. If I ever figure out why that is, I'll be sure to let everyone know. I'm still working on it.